On Fathers and Skype and Lost Bags, &c.

I want to address a number of things briefly in this update. I like writing in depth, but there's a lot on my mind that needs to get out. I pray I'll make time to write much more soon. Now, on to business.

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A few weeks ago, the topic of the week was on the Father Heart of God, and Peni Patu was the speaker and showed us God's heart for us through his life and not only his words. I didn't think about my literal father at all that week. I focused all my attention on God, revealed as a Father.

I prefer to think (pretend, really) that my relationship was my dad is good. In actuality, I don't think about my relationship with my dad... ever, really. He's not a bad father by any means. He never hurt me or my sister or my mum the way many fathers/husbands hurt their family. He has never been abusive or shown any sign of that sort of behavior. When he spanked me as a child, I know know it was harder for him than for me. I think he was barely able to bring himself to spank me or my sister. In fact, I think my mom did more than my dad...

Instead of any sort of abuse, I felt distance from him. We've never been emotionally close at all. Typical guy stuff. As I've grown up, emotional and intellectual connection has become a very important factor for me in relationships. I've lived with my dad my whole life until college, and since those connections were not made and strengthened, I didn't make any effort to start with my dad. And the sad thing is I blamed him and never took any responsibility for developing meaningful relationship with my dad.

I never told him. I never said anything about how I felt, except often insulting and putting him down behind his back at home. I harbored resentment for years and never dealt with it and didn't think much of it over time.

Since I've been in Kona, I've felt a block to God. (I'm sorry, this is really hard to explain with words, and I don't think I will be able to. Bear with me. ^_^) I sensed that something was holding me back. It was almost an intangible weight. I felt heavy inside. That's the best I have right now, so I hope you understand.

I felt a strong conviction and desire this week to call my dad and confess my feelings of anger and frustration and resentment toward him, and ask for forgiveness, and tell him & remind myself that I love him a lot. When I called and confessed and talked with him for a bit, everything came together. The worry and impatience over money faded (more on this below...), I felt that block/weight come free. I hadn't realized had much poison was in my system slowly killing me because I wouldn't address or think about my relationship with my father.

God has been showing me He is not like my dad, or any person I've known. He is faithful and keeps all His promises when I trust Him and step out in faith; He's even faithful and gracious when I am faithless and don't care about getting any gifts.

Just some thoughts I wanted to share.

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Dear Margaret, Erin, Alex, Kathy, Christina, Kärin, Brittnee, Katherine, plus Liz and Melinda, and any other Knox folk I've been meaning to Video Skype:

Sorry I have failed at calling for three (?) weeks straight. I will be gone all weekend so the soonest would be next week. I don't know what your schedule is like presently. It must be close to finals, yeah? Please please please let me know if there is time and the earliest day and time this week that would work for a bunch of you. I really want to talk and see you all. If you are able to set a [mostly] definite time, I will honor that and make it priority number 2 (after the obvious...). Let me know.

[P.S. Janet, this goes for you too. Tell me when and I'll borrow a computer with a video camera.]

Thank you.

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Prayer List!

A woman in PhotoGenX lost an important piece of luggage coming to Hawai'i, and the airline still hasn't found it. Prayer that someone would simply see the bag and open it and see her name and number, and for this to happen soon.

It's always warm/borderline hot in Hawai'i, we've been hanging around the same 50 people for six weeks, we're tired and God is moving us to deal with junk in our lives, and patience with friends in growing thinner. Prayer for grace to be given to each of us from the Spirit, and to give this grace to each other, and loving each other by serving everyone as a slave, prayer for all this is always appreciated and much needed. I think we can and will come to a point where we all truly are family and will love and serve and die for each other, but there's a long way to go.

The iteneraries and plans for service in Panamá & Cental/South America, and S. Africa, and coming together. Please pray that God would be preparing the people we will meet in these countries for whatever God is planning to do, for hearts that would be open and want to receive Him, for unexplanible expectancy for July - September to come; and for our team, that God would teach us specific things we will need for outreach, for prophecies of what He will do with us, and for faith and expectancy to carry out these prophecies. Pray that He would stir something in wahc person before we go that will only be understood when we meet someone in the countries we go to.

In addition, please email me anything I can pray for. This isn't a one way street. If it becomes one way, only with prayer for me and PGX, there is a huge problem that we need to talk about. And let me know if I can share what you want prayer for. Thanks!

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Related to above, regarding specific needs I have,

I still need five to six thousand dollars for outreach to S. Africa, for the airfare and fees. God has made it perfectly clear that He is going to provide all this money. I don't know when, I don't know how, and I don't know why I haven't seen it yet. God has been very clear that I am supposed to step out toward Him in faith and trust & believe He is taking care of the money. I can only do the next little step He asks me everyday and wait expectantly that He will come through in an unexpected way. And this is about His timing being perfect for my needs.

I'm a little anxious and worried still about money, but not very much. I'm waiting and praying for Him to show up and provide a way to pay my fees. The surprising thing is I have a deep peace about not having money yet. He promised to provide and make it possible for me to do PhotoGenX this year; He keeps His promises; and He loves to provide and give good things when His chidren ask. I can't explain this peace, except it's like a breath or presence (spirit, sort of) over and inside me. I'm much more focused and each day and living and talking with my Daddy, and I think that's from this spirit-peace.

I would still love prayer in this area.

Somewhat related, my computer is almost 5 years old, and is biting the dust more and more as the weeks go by. There were a number of minor things that broke a while ago. Today I discovered my CD/DVD drive is broken, and 1) it can't really just be replaced, and 2) I don't have money anyway. ^_^ I told my roommates this in complete seriousness, and I'm asking you too, please pray that somehow God would provide a laptop (new or used, prayerfully that it has what I'll need for the next few years doing photography, and hopefully be a Mac) in addition to the money I need for outreach. I believe and know God can provide both, and I'm praying He would provide the laptop before I leave. So if you could pray into this too...

That's all I have time for now, but more late Sunday, I hope.

Grace and peace!

Christopher