First of all, I want to give huge praise to God. I just found out my airfare for outreach has already been paid for! We took an offering a few weeks ago, just our class, to try to pay all the fees for the whole class, and the money to purchase my airfare came from that. This is amazing. I thought I still had to pay for my airfare. Now I have a much more manageable goal to reach. I only need $3000 to have everything paid for. Praise God! But there is still work to be done...
•
So I found out that I could create a Paypal button to place on my blog page. This allows folks to make donations by debit/check card that will go directly to my checking account, and I can then pay with checks or debit card the same day. So the only reason supporting me with a donation through Paypal is that it would get to me much, much faster than a check.
Here's the thing: Payments for my school fees are not tax deductible, so I would not be able to send you a tax deduction receipt. Sending a check to Centennial (or Hope Wesleyan) and asking them to send it to me is tax deductible. Going through my church may still be the best option for a number of people. I'd still love to answer any questions or talk about anything, so call or send me an email (p.s.1senior@gmail.com) if you need my number.
So, the other thing I thought of was doing work when I get back to Colorado and Illinois. If you have any odd jobs, cleaning out a garage, any kind of lawn work, anything at all that I could do around a house or office, and you would be willing to pay me for now, I will be able to do work when I return. I will be in Colorado from September 20 to December 26, and I will be in Illinois January 3 until the end of the school year. Let me know if this interests you.
As I said, I just need $3000 more. Please continue to pray about this, and talk with me.
More about South Africa plans and class this week and last week as soon as I have time. ^_^
Grace and Peace! I love you all,
Chris
Friday, May 29, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Something Like Suffocating
[Edit: Don't get the wrong impression from this. I really am doing great here and I love almost every minute. It's hard, but good, and very much worth everything. I just needed to vent a bit. And I have done a few things on this list already. But thank you all, especially Margaret and Cassie.]
I feel a little bit stressed. I want to create things, to photograph, to write reflections and stories and poetry and songs and exegesis of the Greek word for baptism and how Bible passages look differently with this deeper understanding of the use of the word. I want to write personal emails to each and every one of you (that would be something hundred emails, which is theoretically possible). I want to draw. I want to read, Luke and the Gospels and Leviticus (and write my thoughts on Leviticus) and Sex God and how Jesus can lead a turning that can never be fully oppressed, and is really quite enticing. I want to read the doctoral thesis written by the brother of my friend. I want to talk with my best friend and my roommate and my H2H and my 1on1 and the families that are giving my financial support and my friends who do not think I should go out in the name of Jesus to love people the way I’ve learned Jesus insists to love people. (I especially want to talk to all you friends of mine who don’t see eye to eye with me on the Jesus thing. Y’all keep me grounded in an important way, and it helps breathe life into me.) I want to play the guitar that is lying not ten feet from where I’m sitting typing this, to renew my calluses, to master the three cords I’ve learned and remembered. I want to get out and photograph. To create images with far my craft and excellence than I have so far. I want to be able to have coffee at a café with my friends every day and talk about things that really matter, like if true love means that she lets me pick her nose and she is comfortable picking mine, or the deeper reality symbolized by continuing to sleep with a teddy bear in college years and after, or whether having flight or invisibility is a more preferable superpower. I want to watch Heroes and Bleach and a historical/present day breakdown of why people create(d) the gods they did/do (see “The Gods Aren’t Angry” by Rob Bell). I want to research war and other issues of injustice that are ravaging the world presently, to do something useful and practical and meaningful to help. I want to memorize books of the Bible. I want to nap. A lot. I want to Skype with my family and friends. I want a web cam so I can Skype…
I want to do so many things, but every day during the four to five hours of free time I have in the afternoon and then the few hours I have free in the evening, I usually feel overwhelmed – even suffocated – by the weight of the lecture in class and how I’m responding and growing and changing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and it all affects me physically. It feels as though there is no break, and I suffocate when I want to and try to be productive and creative. So I have given updates with far less frequency than I have intended or wanted to. I have not talked about what I wanted to talk about or what I think you want me to talk about in my updates. I have not called as many people as I want to, or talked to anyone as long as I’ve wanted to. A huge factor playing into this tiredness and choosing not to write or call is due to the time difference. Four to six hours difference makes things tricky, and I think has contributed to draining some life out of me.
This is a big thing weighing on me. I have cut off much personal contact with the people I call “friends”. (Truly, I cannot thank you enough if you still honestly, legitimately consider me a friend after I have shown you so little person contact and care and difference. I love you all so much in my heart and mind, but I have failed to show that love, and love without action is dead and meaningless. I am sorry for not living my love. I don’t know how to reconcile this now, except to begin slowly, one person at a time, and patiently and constantly devote my life to reconnecting with person after person every day.)
•
Busy-ness
I want to do so many good things and I find myself pulled in a thousand directions, accomplishing nothing. Busy-ness is a norm in DTS and confronts me at every turn and corner with fieldtrips, journaling, and research, spending quality time with dozens of people, photographing and editing photos and talking about photos. All of which are honestly, truly good things. But I shut down. I think less when I don’t have to think hard for class. I try to give myself rest that isn’t really rest. I sit around and spend meaningless time on the internet and procrastinate.
Busy-ness can become such a dangerous weapon if doing too many things is allowed to overtake us.
Which is why I covet the day I set aside to stop and rest and do no work. Thank God. (Genesis 2:2-3; Exodus 20:8-11; 31:16; I can go on and on, there are 116 times Sabbath is translated in the ESV. You get the picture.)
•
Pressing On
I still want to create. I especially want to begin serious work writing for the ideas I want to use for books. And I want to make this season of my life one where I memorize scripture in a significant way that god will use for His glory. And I want to build and strengthen and deepen friendships. And of course I want to keep on top of my PGX class stuff.
I’m not sure what to do except learn time management and start to live in a way that I manage my time as best as I can, and to keep writing and reading and memorizing and building, especially when I don’t feel like it or want to. The opposite spirit of apathy or laziness is interest and careful focused work.
Grace and Peace,
Christopher
I feel a little bit stressed. I want to create things, to photograph, to write reflections and stories and poetry and songs and exegesis of the Greek word for baptism and how Bible passages look differently with this deeper understanding of the use of the word. I want to write personal emails to each and every one of you (that would be something hundred emails, which is theoretically possible). I want to draw. I want to read, Luke and the Gospels and Leviticus (and write my thoughts on Leviticus) and Sex God and how Jesus can lead a turning that can never be fully oppressed, and is really quite enticing. I want to read the doctoral thesis written by the brother of my friend. I want to talk with my best friend and my roommate and my H2H and my 1on1 and the families that are giving my financial support and my friends who do not think I should go out in the name of Jesus to love people the way I’ve learned Jesus insists to love people. (I especially want to talk to all you friends of mine who don’t see eye to eye with me on the Jesus thing. Y’all keep me grounded in an important way, and it helps breathe life into me.) I want to play the guitar that is lying not ten feet from where I’m sitting typing this, to renew my calluses, to master the three cords I’ve learned and remembered. I want to get out and photograph. To create images with far my craft and excellence than I have so far. I want to be able to have coffee at a café with my friends every day and talk about things that really matter, like if true love means that she lets me pick her nose and she is comfortable picking mine, or the deeper reality symbolized by continuing to sleep with a teddy bear in college years and after, or whether having flight or invisibility is a more preferable superpower. I want to watch Heroes and Bleach and a historical/present day breakdown of why people create(d) the gods they did/do (see “The Gods Aren’t Angry” by Rob Bell). I want to research war and other issues of injustice that are ravaging the world presently, to do something useful and practical and meaningful to help. I want to memorize books of the Bible. I want to nap. A lot. I want to Skype with my family and friends. I want a web cam so I can Skype…
I want to do so many things, but every day during the four to five hours of free time I have in the afternoon and then the few hours I have free in the evening, I usually feel overwhelmed – even suffocated – by the weight of the lecture in class and how I’m responding and growing and changing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and it all affects me physically. It feels as though there is no break, and I suffocate when I want to and try to be productive and creative. So I have given updates with far less frequency than I have intended or wanted to. I have not talked about what I wanted to talk about or what I think you want me to talk about in my updates. I have not called as many people as I want to, or talked to anyone as long as I’ve wanted to. A huge factor playing into this tiredness and choosing not to write or call is due to the time difference. Four to six hours difference makes things tricky, and I think has contributed to draining some life out of me.
This is a big thing weighing on me. I have cut off much personal contact with the people I call “friends”. (Truly, I cannot thank you enough if you still honestly, legitimately consider me a friend after I have shown you so little person contact and care and difference. I love you all so much in my heart and mind, but I have failed to show that love, and love without action is dead and meaningless. I am sorry for not living my love. I don’t know how to reconcile this now, except to begin slowly, one person at a time, and patiently and constantly devote my life to reconnecting with person after person every day.)
•
Busy-ness
I want to do so many good things and I find myself pulled in a thousand directions, accomplishing nothing. Busy-ness is a norm in DTS and confronts me at every turn and corner with fieldtrips, journaling, and research, spending quality time with dozens of people, photographing and editing photos and talking about photos. All of which are honestly, truly good things. But I shut down. I think less when I don’t have to think hard for class. I try to give myself rest that isn’t really rest. I sit around and spend meaningless time on the internet and procrastinate.
Busy-ness can become such a dangerous weapon if doing too many things is allowed to overtake us.
Which is why I covet the day I set aside to stop and rest and do no work. Thank God. (Genesis 2:2-3; Exodus 20:8-11; 31:16; I can go on and on, there are 116 times Sabbath is translated in the ESV. You get the picture.)
•
Pressing On
I still want to create. I especially want to begin serious work writing for the ideas I want to use for books. And I want to make this season of my life one where I memorize scripture in a significant way that god will use for His glory. And I want to build and strengthen and deepen friendships. And of course I want to keep on top of my PGX class stuff.
I’m not sure what to do except learn time management and start to live in a way that I manage my time as best as I can, and to keep writing and reading and memorizing and building, especially when I don’t feel like it or want to. The opposite spirit of apathy or laziness is interest and careful focused work.
Grace and Peace,
Christopher
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
[irresistible + revolution]
I've been reading Irresistible Revolution, by Shane Claiborne. It's very good, and I think you should read it. But seriously, call me or text or email or whatever, I would LUV to discuss what I like and really don't like about this book. Grace and peace,
•
[ 0.
I’ll step off
the edge of a precipice
into the unknown downward
spiral fall –
or into your arms,
because you can
walk on air too if you can
walk on water, right?
Both are expressions
of oxygen, or maybe
air and water both simply come
from your Breath.]
1.
Earth continues racing through
vacuum, daily revolutions
irresistible, revolutions annually
irresistible, turning,
turning.
Because revolutions always involve
turning, you taught me,
always begin with turning.
The first revolution I conspired in
was with my bicycle,
and the revolution got me a
blood painted aching forehead.
Revolutions always go this
way. But the bike revolution
was irresistible, and now I put
mountains under my rubber.
2.
You came and said “Metanoeite,”
“Repent,” or more simply “Turn
around.” Maybe in your biography
it should be translated, “Revolution.”
3.
The blind and the crippled and the
deaf and the mute could not resist
you because they could not see your
body or stand to stop you or hear
you preaching or say you should
stop preaching. The prostitutes
and the tax collectors and the
Gentiles and the Samaritans and
poor and the widows could not
resist you because they finally
had someone on their side. The
Pharisees and the Sadducees
and the Governor and the Empire
and the crowd at Passover
could not resist you because
God is not God of the dead
but of the living, and you could
not stay dead. They could not
oppose you, and you became too
desirable to be resisted anyway.
4.
I am an ordinary radish, a root,
radix, radical. The root sucks
in water and life and nutrients
and keeps the whole plant
upright, alive. I am radical and
run back to the beginning
of the turning. I look like
my brothers and sisters, I am
not remarkable, I return to the
radix. Looking plain and
desiring to turn back to the root
and living
the simplicity of the Way…
can this be stopped? Can this be
preferred?
[5.
I’ll step off the edge
of a precipice into the unknown
downward spin, until I reach
a place I can turn the world
right side up.]
•
[ 0.
I’ll step off
the edge of a precipice
into the unknown downward
spiral fall –
or into your arms,
because you can
walk on air too if you can
walk on water, right?
Both are expressions
of oxygen, or maybe
air and water both simply come
from your Breath.]
1.
Earth continues racing through
vacuum, daily revolutions
irresistible, revolutions annually
irresistible, turning,
turning.
Because revolutions always involve
turning, you taught me,
always begin with turning.
The first revolution I conspired in
was with my bicycle,
and the revolution got me a
blood painted aching forehead.
Revolutions always go this
way. But the bike revolution
was irresistible, and now I put
mountains under my rubber.
2.
You came and said “Metanoeite,”
“Repent,” or more simply “Turn
around.” Maybe in your biography
it should be translated, “Revolution.”
3.
The blind and the crippled and the
deaf and the mute could not resist
you because they could not see your
body or stand to stop you or hear
you preaching or say you should
stop preaching. The prostitutes
and the tax collectors and the
Gentiles and the Samaritans and
poor and the widows could not
resist you because they finally
had someone on their side. The
Pharisees and the Sadducees
and the Governor and the Empire
and the crowd at Passover
could not resist you because
God is not God of the dead
but of the living, and you could
not stay dead. They could not
oppose you, and you became too
desirable to be resisted anyway.
4.
I am an ordinary radish, a root,
radix, radical. The root sucks
in water and life and nutrients
and keeps the whole plant
upright, alive. I am radical and
run back to the beginning
of the turning. I look like
my brothers and sisters, I am
not remarkable, I return to the
radix. Looking plain and
desiring to turn back to the root
and living
the simplicity of the Way…
can this be stopped? Can this be
preferred?
[5.
I’ll step off the edge
of a precipice into the unknown
downward spin, until I reach
a place I can turn the world
right side up.]
Saturday, May 16, 2009
On Fathers and Skype and Lost Bags, &c.
I want to address a number of things briefly in this update. I like writing in depth, but there's a lot on my mind that needs to get out. I pray I'll make time to write much more soon. Now, on to business.
•
A few weeks ago, the topic of the week was on the Father Heart of God, and Peni Patu was the speaker and showed us God's heart for us through his life and not only his words. I didn't think about my literal father at all that week. I focused all my attention on God, revealed as a Father.
I prefer to think (pretend, really) that my relationship was my dad is good. In actuality, I don't think about my relationship with my dad... ever, really. He's not a bad father by any means. He never hurt me or my sister or my mum the way many fathers/husbands hurt their family. He has never been abusive or shown any sign of that sort of behavior. When he spanked me as a child, I know know it was harder for him than for me. I think he was barely able to bring himself to spank me or my sister. In fact, I think my mom did more than my dad...
Instead of any sort of abuse, I felt distance from him. We've never been emotionally close at all. Typical guy stuff. As I've grown up, emotional and intellectual connection has become a very important factor for me in relationships. I've lived with my dad my whole life until college, and since those connections were not made and strengthened, I didn't make any effort to start with my dad. And the sad thing is I blamed him and never took any responsibility for developing meaningful relationship with my dad.
I never told him. I never said anything about how I felt, except often insulting and putting him down behind his back at home. I harbored resentment for years and never dealt with it and didn't think much of it over time.
Since I've been in Kona, I've felt a block to God. (I'm sorry, this is really hard to explain with words, and I don't think I will be able to. Bear with me. ^_^) I sensed that something was holding me back. It was almost an intangible weight. I felt heavy inside. That's the best I have right now, so I hope you understand.
I felt a strong conviction and desire this week to call my dad and confess my feelings of anger and frustration and resentment toward him, and ask for forgiveness, and tell him & remind myself that I love him a lot. When I called and confessed and talked with him for a bit, everything came together. The worry and impatience over money faded (more on this below...), I felt that block/weight come free. I hadn't realized had much poison was in my system slowly killing me because I wouldn't address or think about my relationship with my father.
God has been showing me He is not like my dad, or any person I've known. He is faithful and keeps all His promises when I trust Him and step out in faith; He's even faithful and gracious when I am faithless and don't care about getting any gifts.
Just some thoughts I wanted to share.
•
Dear Margaret, Erin, Alex, Kathy, Christina, Kärin, Brittnee, Katherine, plus Liz and Melinda, and any other Knox folk I've been meaning to Video Skype:
Sorry I have failed at calling for three (?) weeks straight. I will be gone all weekend so the soonest would be next week. I don't know what your schedule is like presently. It must be close to finals, yeah? Please please please let me know if there is time and the earliest day and time this week that would work for a bunch of you. I really want to talk and see you all. If you are able to set a [mostly] definite time, I will honor that and make it priority number 2 (after the obvious...). Let me know.
[P.S. Janet, this goes for you too. Tell me when and I'll borrow a computer with a video camera.]
Thank you.
•
Prayer List!
A woman in PhotoGenX lost an important piece of luggage coming to Hawai'i, and the airline still hasn't found it. Prayer that someone would simply see the bag and open it and see her name and number, and for this to happen soon.
It's always warm/borderline hot in Hawai'i, we've been hanging around the same 50 people for six weeks, we're tired and God is moving us to deal with junk in our lives, and patience with friends in growing thinner. Prayer for grace to be given to each of us from the Spirit, and to give this grace to each other, and loving each other by serving everyone as a slave, prayer for all this is always appreciated and much needed. I think we can and will come to a point where we all truly are family and will love and serve and die for each other, but there's a long way to go.
The iteneraries and plans for service in Panamá & Cental/South America, and S. Africa, and coming together. Please pray that God would be preparing the people we will meet in these countries for whatever God is planning to do, for hearts that would be open and want to receive Him, for unexplanible expectancy for July - September to come; and for our team, that God would teach us specific things we will need for outreach, for prophecies of what He will do with us, and for faith and expectancy to carry out these prophecies. Pray that He would stir something in wahc person before we go that will only be understood when we meet someone in the countries we go to.
In addition, please email me anything I can pray for. This isn't a one way street. If it becomes one way, only with prayer for me and PGX, there is a huge problem that we need to talk about. And let me know if I can share what you want prayer for. Thanks!
•
Related to above, regarding specific needs I have,
I still need five to six thousand dollars for outreach to S. Africa, for the airfare and fees. God has made it perfectly clear that He is going to provide all this money. I don't know when, I don't know how, and I don't know why I haven't seen it yet. God has been very clear that I am supposed to step out toward Him in faith and trust & believe He is taking care of the money. I can only do the next little step He asks me everyday and wait expectantly that He will come through in an unexpected way. And this is about His timing being perfect for my needs.
I'm a little anxious and worried still about money, but not very much. I'm waiting and praying for Him to show up and provide a way to pay my fees. The surprising thing is I have a deep peace about not having money yet. He promised to provide and make it possible for me to do PhotoGenX this year; He keeps His promises; and He loves to provide and give good things when His chidren ask. I can't explain this peace, except it's like a breath or presence (spirit, sort of) over and inside me. I'm much more focused and each day and living and talking with my Daddy, and I think that's from this spirit-peace.
I would still love prayer in this area.
Somewhat related, my computer is almost 5 years old, and is biting the dust more and more as the weeks go by. There were a number of minor things that broke a while ago. Today I discovered my CD/DVD drive is broken, and 1) it can't really just be replaced, and 2) I don't have money anyway. ^_^ I told my roommates this in complete seriousness, and I'm asking you too, please pray that somehow God would provide a laptop (new or used, prayerfully that it has what I'll need for the next few years doing photography, and hopefully be a Mac) in addition to the money I need for outreach. I believe and know God can provide both, and I'm praying He would provide the laptop before I leave. So if you could pray into this too...
That's all I have time for now, but more late Sunday, I hope.
Grace and peace!
Christopher
•
A few weeks ago, the topic of the week was on the Father Heart of God, and Peni Patu was the speaker and showed us God's heart for us through his life and not only his words. I didn't think about my literal father at all that week. I focused all my attention on God, revealed as a Father.
I prefer to think (pretend, really) that my relationship was my dad is good. In actuality, I don't think about my relationship with my dad... ever, really. He's not a bad father by any means. He never hurt me or my sister or my mum the way many fathers/husbands hurt their family. He has never been abusive or shown any sign of that sort of behavior. When he spanked me as a child, I know know it was harder for him than for me. I think he was barely able to bring himself to spank me or my sister. In fact, I think my mom did more than my dad...
Instead of any sort of abuse, I felt distance from him. We've never been emotionally close at all. Typical guy stuff. As I've grown up, emotional and intellectual connection has become a very important factor for me in relationships. I've lived with my dad my whole life until college, and since those connections were not made and strengthened, I didn't make any effort to start with my dad. And the sad thing is I blamed him and never took any responsibility for developing meaningful relationship with my dad.
I never told him. I never said anything about how I felt, except often insulting and putting him down behind his back at home. I harbored resentment for years and never dealt with it and didn't think much of it over time.
Since I've been in Kona, I've felt a block to God. (I'm sorry, this is really hard to explain with words, and I don't think I will be able to. Bear with me. ^_^) I sensed that something was holding me back. It was almost an intangible weight. I felt heavy inside. That's the best I have right now, so I hope you understand.
I felt a strong conviction and desire this week to call my dad and confess my feelings of anger and frustration and resentment toward him, and ask for forgiveness, and tell him & remind myself that I love him a lot. When I called and confessed and talked with him for a bit, everything came together. The worry and impatience over money faded (more on this below...), I felt that block/weight come free. I hadn't realized had much poison was in my system slowly killing me because I wouldn't address or think about my relationship with my father.
God has been showing me He is not like my dad, or any person I've known. He is faithful and keeps all His promises when I trust Him and step out in faith; He's even faithful and gracious when I am faithless and don't care about getting any gifts.
Just some thoughts I wanted to share.
•
Dear Margaret, Erin, Alex, Kathy, Christina, Kärin, Brittnee, Katherine, plus Liz and Melinda, and any other Knox folk I've been meaning to Video Skype:
Sorry I have failed at calling for three (?) weeks straight. I will be gone all weekend so the soonest would be next week. I don't know what your schedule is like presently. It must be close to finals, yeah? Please please please let me know if there is time and the earliest day and time this week that would work for a bunch of you. I really want to talk and see you all. If you are able to set a [mostly] definite time, I will honor that and make it priority number 2 (after the obvious...). Let me know.
[P.S. Janet, this goes for you too. Tell me when and I'll borrow a computer with a video camera.]
Thank you.
•
Prayer List!
A woman in PhotoGenX lost an important piece of luggage coming to Hawai'i, and the airline still hasn't found it. Prayer that someone would simply see the bag and open it and see her name and number, and for this to happen soon.
It's always warm/borderline hot in Hawai'i, we've been hanging around the same 50 people for six weeks, we're tired and God is moving us to deal with junk in our lives, and patience with friends in growing thinner. Prayer for grace to be given to each of us from the Spirit, and to give this grace to each other, and loving each other by serving everyone as a slave, prayer for all this is always appreciated and much needed. I think we can and will come to a point where we all truly are family and will love and serve and die for each other, but there's a long way to go.
The iteneraries and plans for service in Panamá & Cental/South America, and S. Africa, and coming together. Please pray that God would be preparing the people we will meet in these countries for whatever God is planning to do, for hearts that would be open and want to receive Him, for unexplanible expectancy for July - September to come; and for our team, that God would teach us specific things we will need for outreach, for prophecies of what He will do with us, and for faith and expectancy to carry out these prophecies. Pray that He would stir something in wahc person before we go that will only be understood when we meet someone in the countries we go to.
In addition, please email me anything I can pray for. This isn't a one way street. If it becomes one way, only with prayer for me and PGX, there is a huge problem that we need to talk about. And let me know if I can share what you want prayer for. Thanks!
•
Related to above, regarding specific needs I have,
I still need five to six thousand dollars for outreach to S. Africa, for the airfare and fees. God has made it perfectly clear that He is going to provide all this money. I don't know when, I don't know how, and I don't know why I haven't seen it yet. God has been very clear that I am supposed to step out toward Him in faith and trust & believe He is taking care of the money. I can only do the next little step He asks me everyday and wait expectantly that He will come through in an unexpected way. And this is about His timing being perfect for my needs.
I'm a little anxious and worried still about money, but not very much. I'm waiting and praying for Him to show up and provide a way to pay my fees. The surprising thing is I have a deep peace about not having money yet. He promised to provide and make it possible for me to do PhotoGenX this year; He keeps His promises; and He loves to provide and give good things when His chidren ask. I can't explain this peace, except it's like a breath or presence (spirit, sort of) over and inside me. I'm much more focused and each day and living and talking with my Daddy, and I think that's from this spirit-peace.
I would still love prayer in this area.
Somewhat related, my computer is almost 5 years old, and is biting the dust more and more as the weeks go by. There were a number of minor things that broke a while ago. Today I discovered my CD/DVD drive is broken, and 1) it can't really just be replaced, and 2) I don't have money anyway. ^_^ I told my roommates this in complete seriousness, and I'm asking you too, please pray that somehow God would provide a laptop (new or used, prayerfully that it has what I'll need for the next few years doing photography, and hopefully be a Mac) in addition to the money I need for outreach. I believe and know God can provide both, and I'm praying He would provide the laptop before I leave. So if you could pray into this too...
That's all I have time for now, but more late Sunday, I hope.
Grace and peace!
Christopher
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Cliff Jumping!
At last, for your viewing pleasure, the fabled, much anticipated photographs of the South Point cliff jumping epic adventure extraordinaire! (Did I over hype myself?) All credit goes to God and to Steve Schallert who shot some sweet pics. Enjoy.
The cliffs we jumped from where somewhere around 45-50 feet above the ocean. Not a bad jump and rush. South Point is the southern most point of the US. Kind of cool, yeah?
Sorry there are so many photos, but when you jump 50 feet off a cliff...
The first series is the second jump I did, but is slightly less epic, unless you are at South Point to witness said jump, in which case this way is far more epic. Almost Homerically so, even. (And just to put this out there, Poseidon is a pansy and a jerk and can't take a joke. Athena is by far the best Olympian. Just saying.)
Now for the more epic photo series. Steve did a great job shooting these. Thanks Steve. I'll get you a coffee or something. Let me know.
The cliffs we jumped from where somewhere around 45-50 feet above the ocean. Not a bad jump and rush. South Point is the southern most point of the US. Kind of cool, yeah?
Sorry there are so many photos, but when you jump 50 feet off a cliff...
The first series is the second jump I did, but is slightly less epic, unless you are at South Point to witness said jump, in which case this way is far more epic. Almost Homerically so, even. (And just to put this out there, Poseidon is a pansy and a jerk and can't take a joke. Athena is by far the best Olympian. Just saying.)
Now for the more epic photo series. Steve did a great job shooting these. Thanks Steve. I'll get you a coffee or something. Let me know.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sunday, 10 May 2009
Last week was busy, but again good. We were talking about the Bible. As can be expected, we didn't get terribly in depth in only a week. It wasn't so much about the topic last week as it was the speaker/teacher, Andrew Kooman.
Andrew was great to have leading class sessions, to eat with and hang around. He's one of those, really-smart-but-in-a-down-to-earth-sort-of-way, guys. I think most people have someone like this; if you do not, go get one to hang around. I'll wait until you get back.
....
Got one? Good. So far all our speakers have used most of their time with us in classes to lecture or teach. Peni had everyone come to the front of the room to read and he prayed for each person in class, but it was still a time of speaking that everyone was listening to, so I'm categorizing that with lectures. Andrew did brief writing workshops with the class, which meant time in class where we weren't listening to lecture, but writing creatively what we each wanted to write.
Reflecting on the writing workshop portion now, I guess we didn't devote a vast amount of time to the writing, but it felt like a lot of time, and I loved it. I loved the break from monotony of listening to lecture. I loved taking a verse from Genesis and elaborating on it to make a piece of creative [non]fiction. I loved that Andrew told us we could use talents like creative writing for the kingdom of God. I loved that I wrote something I actually like. (I will post it as soon as I elaborate and write some more of the story.)
Yesterday I went on a hike to one of the most beautiful waterfalls I've ever seen. We went to Waipi'o Valley and hiked to Hi'ilawe Falls. This is one of the best hikes I've ever done. I don't say this lightly, because I love Colorado and the Rocky Mountains. A lot. But Waipi'o Valley and Hi'ilawe Falls definitely compete with the best CO has to offer. The photos I took haven't been offloaded from my camera yet, but those will be posted soon.
I have a lot of (mostly) unrelated thoughts running through my mind; I'll write about those later.
But lastly, I'm doing research on statistics of war in Central and South America, and the Caribbean. I am looking especially for data on how wars have affected women and children in Latin America and the Caribbean. If you know any credible sources with statistics on war and women and children in Latin America, please let me know. I haven't found much yet.
More soon,
Christophley Wolfgang von Lügenstein IV [ =P ]
Andrew was great to have leading class sessions, to eat with and hang around. He's one of those, really-smart-but-in-a-down-to-earth-sort-of-way, guys. I think most people have someone like this; if you do not, go get one to hang around. I'll wait until you get back.
....
Got one? Good. So far all our speakers have used most of their time with us in classes to lecture or teach. Peni had everyone come to the front of the room to read and he prayed for each person in class, but it was still a time of speaking that everyone was listening to, so I'm categorizing that with lectures. Andrew did brief writing workshops with the class, which meant time in class where we weren't listening to lecture, but writing creatively what we each wanted to write.
Reflecting on the writing workshop portion now, I guess we didn't devote a vast amount of time to the writing, but it felt like a lot of time, and I loved it. I loved the break from monotony of listening to lecture. I loved taking a verse from Genesis and elaborating on it to make a piece of creative [non]fiction. I loved that Andrew told us we could use talents like creative writing for the kingdom of God. I loved that I wrote something I actually like. (I will post it as soon as I elaborate and write some more of the story.)
Yesterday I went on a hike to one of the most beautiful waterfalls I've ever seen. We went to Waipi'o Valley and hiked to Hi'ilawe Falls. This is one of the best hikes I've ever done. I don't say this lightly, because I love Colorado and the Rocky Mountains. A lot. But Waipi'o Valley and Hi'ilawe Falls definitely compete with the best CO has to offer. The photos I took haven't been offloaded from my camera yet, but those will be posted soon.
I have a lot of (mostly) unrelated thoughts running through my mind; I'll write about those later.
But lastly, I'm doing research on statistics of war in Central and South America, and the Caribbean. I am looking especially for data on how wars have affected women and children in Latin America and the Caribbean. If you know any credible sources with statistics on war and women and children in Latin America, please let me know. I haven't found much yet.
More soon,
Christophley Wolfgang von Lügenstein IV [ =P ]
Friday, May 8, 2009
listen.trust.wait.patience
New, sort of experimental poem. Dealing with things I'm learning and trying to figure out. Feedback is very, very welcome.
7 May 2009
listen.trust.wait.patience
You told me first to listen. Funny how
I heard that. I thought I heard you,
so aren’t I listening? You said,
Listen. Listen.
“Speak, LORD. Your servant is
listening.”
Trust.
That’s all you said
and then I was stuck with
listen and trust. I heard
nothing else to trust you about.
Maybe you meant trust
in the general, vague, not-actually-helpful
sort of way. Why & what am I trusting
you for?...
Wait…
Wait…
Wait…
While I don’t want to
Wait…
and don’t know what to
trust
and I’m not sure I’m even hearing you when I
listen.
What am I doing? What are you doing?
Patience.
And that clears everything up. Yup.
So you want me to listen and
trust and
wait and
it all has to do with patience
while you’re not doing anything
I can see to help me? Unless
listen trust wait patience
are your help for me
and not money or people or comfort I want?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
A Hodgepodge Jumble which is my Mind Thoughts
What if a revolution was started that was not about power, not about taking power from a person or group that has power so another group can have it instead, but a revolution that is about weakness and humility and service? What about a revolution that goes in the opposite spirit of how revolutions typically go? A revolution that finds good in being the last and the least of these? Would such a revolution be stamped out in a few minutes and forgotten? Or would such a revolution be irresistible?
•
I’m presently reading through the Gospel of Mark, one of the four accounts of the life of Jesus in the Bible. The author of Mark – whether is was or was not Mark – really liked to use the word εὐθύς, an adverb in Greek meaning either immediately or then. The English Standard Version of the Bible translates this word as immediately in every occurrence in Mark. This makes for very interesting (and repetitive) reading of what Jesus is up to according to Mark (or whoever). Jesus calls people and they come immediately. He immediately enters synagogues on the Sabbath and teaches. He touches sick people and they are immediately made well. The pace in Mark is not slow. And the word immediate is pregnant with meaning of action and not passiveness. Jesus is a man of quick action. In a very true aspect Mark was using a word to create flow in the narrative and to show the reader where a new sentence was starting (there were no handy things like spaces or punctuation for them…), but he does so with an adverb that expresses Jesus is acting in the world with directness.
So if this Jesus is risen and alive like I believe he is, and he is still the same, in what ways is he acting in my life with immediacy? What is he wanting to do immediately in your life?
•
War Dance
Wooden xylophone ringing with
organic timbre, singing at the hand
of a lost African boy longing
for his innocence back.
chop chop hack
of machetes swinging, arching, biting, hacking
rattatat bang rattat tat
of guns machining for fake power
haha ha he hahahe
of children losing childhood to
stolen heads of once father, mother,
person, whole person. Heads in pots
rather than in clouds
imagining solutions to poverty or
string theory.
There is dancing in spite of war and death
and suffering and displacement
and those who listen can
see that perhaps what the Rebels
fight for, that war is a dance
and destruction
chop chop rattat haha chop
but instead the dance of war
is singing and beating drums and
wooden xylophones
and believing the spirit cannot be killed.
•
The beginning of Genesis is a poem about the creation of heaven and earth and everything by the God of the Hebrews. In the poem the creation is broken up into six different “days.”
The first day light is made,
and God separates light from darkness
and names light day and dark night.
The second day an expanse between
waters – um, yeah – is made
resulting in ocean and clouds and
sky.
Day three brings land
to hang out in the seas
and the land gets houseplants
as a house warming gift.
The next day God made
the sun and stars and –
wait, a “day” is measured
respective to the sun.
How was there a “day”
on the first day?
Ummmmm….
Is there something more going down in the beginning Genesis poem?
•
Disclaimer: I am not writing this for pity or any selfish reason. (God, please let that be true!) I am writing this as witness to the truth that God is doing something big… and somehow I get to be part of it.
I met a man last week who knew I often feel lonely, and how I believe no one cares about me and I am alone. His name is Peni Patu. I have never met this man in my life. The PhotoGenX staff gave him a list of the names of the people in our DTS, but nothing else. No information about us. Nothing. I haven’t told anyone here about those feelings anyway, so no one could have snitched. Peni spent hours and hours praying for us and preparing for his week of teaching, and part of the time he spent was asking God to give him a personal word to give to each student in PhotoGenX. Some very personal, very unknown things were in each letter.
I have prayed and asked God to give me a word of encouragement to give to specific people, and He has spoken to me. Nothing as clear as these letters Peni wrote for everyone, but I’ve experienced this myself.
My point is God, my Father, shared my biggest, deepest, longest running insecurity with this stranger, and then I had to read that letter out loud to everyone in the group and reveal my biggest fear to the people I’m spending the next five months with. God must have a sick sense of humor. (I’m just kidding. I love His sense of humor.)
But seriously, why loneliness and other people caring about me? And why now? I’m thinking and worrying about more specific, more pressing matters. And why did He have to speak this to someone I don’t know and who doesn’t know me and make me tell everyone what I feel in the darkest recesses of my heart?
I thought those other, more pressing things were something new, and I have been slowly realizing God simply got right to the main problem. If Mark were writing about Jesus and me, it would read something like, “And immediately Jesus cut to the chase of what is holding Christopher back.” But loneliness is completely the root of so much crap in my life. You know what my Daddy got to say to me, because someone asked what God thought of me and listened?
“I am here for you, my son. I want you to come and fellowship with me whenever you need. I long for your full attention, my son, not just part of it.”
God wants to fellowship with me as His son! How cool is that?
But what if it’s not just me God wants, but everyone? And what if God is wanting and trying to speak these life giving words to us or anyone who will listen, but we are unwilling to hear the truth about ourselves, and we don’t ask to be God’s voice to our friends (or even to strangers).
What if this started changing, with more and more people choosing to listen and speak?
•
Until then, grace and peace,
Chris
Saturday, May 2, 2009
1 May 2009
I am now one month into the PhotoGenX adventure. So many things have happened already.
I got on a plane with almost no money...
I have seen God provide over two thousand dollars for my fees, just through other people in PhotoGenX...
I have about as much money as I came with...
I have made friends with quite a few people, some deeper than others and continuing to deepen...
I have felt feelings I am all too familiar with and am terrified of feeling, and I don't know what to do with them...
I have heard God speak to me personally almost every day...
I have been confronted about the wrong things I've done and the ways I've heart other people and God, turned around and asked for and received forgiveness...
I have jumped off a cliff after all my friends jumped off said cliff...
I have read three books for the class, and the Gospel of Matthew...
I have spent hours working in the campus kitchen and rediscovering all the ways I dislike working in kitchens, and all the ways I love working in kitchens...
I have gained clarity and become my confused than ever...
I have made long lists of things I've done...
I have found that doing something focused around God and photography and love and mercy and grace and justice and humility makes me feel alive, and that I have a great purpose for living well.
What I love, and what is very difficult, is this is only vaguely scratching the iceberg as far as everything that has happened. I want to talk about all these things and so much more in detail, but it's hard even too write an update.
And if I had just done an update tonight, it would have been about how I need about $700 in my checking account before University of the Nations cashes the check I wrote them. So I probably need it in my account by Monday. And how it addition to $700, I still need $2500 ASAP for the outreach deposit so my airfare to South Africa and back can be purchased. (BTW, I'm going to South Africa, in case you didn't know.)
The money is very important, obviously, but at the same time it actually such a small part of the significant things about DTS and this whole experience. Thus the list at the beginning. I have so much I want to share with everyone, and writing updates on this site seems so inadequate.
The other night I was talking with a good friend from Knox, and it was so much easier to articulate and speak about everything that is happening and I'm learning. So I want to do that, somehow. I'll see if there's any way...
For now, go with these thoughts. Hopefully I might have personal thoughts for many of you soon.
Under the Mercy,
Christopher
I got on a plane with almost no money...
I have seen God provide over two thousand dollars for my fees, just through other people in PhotoGenX...
I have about as much money as I came with...
I have made friends with quite a few people, some deeper than others and continuing to deepen...
I have felt feelings I am all too familiar with and am terrified of feeling, and I don't know what to do with them...
I have heard God speak to me personally almost every day...
I have been confronted about the wrong things I've done and the ways I've heart other people and God, turned around and asked for and received forgiveness...
I have jumped off a cliff after all my friends jumped off said cliff...
I have read three books for the class, and the Gospel of Matthew...
I have spent hours working in the campus kitchen and rediscovering all the ways I dislike working in kitchens, and all the ways I love working in kitchens...
I have gained clarity and become my confused than ever...
I have made long lists of things I've done...
I have found that doing something focused around God and photography and love and mercy and grace and justice and humility makes me feel alive, and that I have a great purpose for living well.
What I love, and what is very difficult, is this is only vaguely scratching the iceberg as far as everything that has happened. I want to talk about all these things and so much more in detail, but it's hard even too write an update.
And if I had just done an update tonight, it would have been about how I need about $700 in my checking account before University of the Nations cashes the check I wrote them. So I probably need it in my account by Monday. And how it addition to $700, I still need $2500 ASAP for the outreach deposit so my airfare to South Africa and back can be purchased. (BTW, I'm going to South Africa, in case you didn't know.)
The money is very important, obviously, but at the same time it actually such a small part of the significant things about DTS and this whole experience. Thus the list at the beginning. I have so much I want to share with everyone, and writing updates on this site seems so inadequate.
The other night I was talking with a good friend from Knox, and it was so much easier to articulate and speak about everything that is happening and I'm learning. So I want to do that, somehow. I'll see if there's any way...
For now, go with these thoughts. Hopefully I might have personal thoughts for many of you soon.
Under the Mercy,
Christopher
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